How to confidently ask for what you want in bed

by Lynn

How can you confidently ask for what you want in bed? Communication is a very important aspect of any relationship even when it comes to your sex life. This is however easier said than done. How do you talk to your partner about what you want in bed? It can be difficult because we’re worried about how our partners might take it. Before you start this conversation make sure you understand and know what you want in bed.

Here are some ways you can ask for what you want in bed

Choose the right time and place

When it comes to having a sex conversation, you want to make sure you choose the right time and place. You might want to have this conversation outside the bedroom in a place you both feel safe. If you want to try something new you might want to bring it up beforehand as opposed to when you’re doing it. Maybe you want to start trying toys or BDSM, you might want to have this conversation at the right time and place.

RELATED: 22 Reasons why you don’t want to have sex

Say how you feel

Speaking up and gathering the courage to ask for what you want in bed can be intimidating. Sex conversations are attached to stigma and shame. If you’re feeling nervous and anxious it’s okay to let your partner know this. This will also help them know that this is a difficult and vulnerable conversation for you as well.

Sex should be fun

Always remember that sex is supposed to be fun for you too. If it’s not fun for you, you need to first understand what’s fun for you. You need to explore what turns you on and what gets you over the edge. Once you figure that out then you can have the conversation with your partner. You can now confidently ask for what you want in bed.

Show them

If there’s something you’d like your partner to change and you can show it better than you can say it. You should find a way of showing them. If you prefer your oral sex a certain type of way, you should do it. If there’s a specific way you like your oral sex, you can direct them without saying anything. Show them how you like being kissed and where you want to be kissed. This is a way to indirectly ask for what you want in bed.

RELATED: 10 Foods that boost sex drive

Be Direct

When you ask for what you want in bed, it’s best to be direct, precise, and straight to the point. There’s no point in beating around the bush. You have to be very clear about what you like and what you expect in bed. You can start by telling them the great things that they do, then work your way to things you would want them to start doing. Be as blunt as you possibly can and your partner will appreciate the honesty. Do not use phrases like you never do this or it will seem like you’re attacking your partner.

Tell them what you like

When telling your partner what you like, start from a place of compliments. Mention what you like currently and start making suggestions of what you would like in bed. This way you can have a conversation about your sex life without it feeling like criticism.

Ask them what they like

To prevent this conversation from being all about you, make sure to ask your partner what they like in bed as well. You might be surprised that your partner also wants some things done.

Manage your expectations

You need to prepare yourself for any reaction. Your partner might take offense, they might refuse your suggestions and proposals. You need to know how important this is to you. If they don’t accept your proposal will that be a deal-breaker or is it something you can live with? Is what you’re asking for something you need or something you want? You need to be ready to have that conversation as well.

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