Gaslighting: Everything you need to know

by Lynn
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How To Know If You’re Dealing With Gaslighting In Your Relationship

Gaslighting is a kind of emotional abuse where a person makes somebody question their sanity, assumption of reality, or memories. It is a kind of psychological control used in relationships in order to keep control over one more person. Most people experiencing gaslighting usually really feel overwhelmed, distressed, as well as not able to trust themselves.
When you remain in a relationship with somebody you love, the last thing you would anticipate is for them to gaslight you.

Here are some signs of gaslighting in a relationship:

Questioning your reality

Every relationship has its challenges, as well as occasionally that implies facing your very own behaviors. A gaslighting relationship will make you question yourself to a point where you feel like you can’t trust yourself. Gaslighting takes place gradually, so it’s not easy to detect.

Your partner is dismissive of your feelings

They convince you that you’re the one who is incorrect or that you’re overthinking when you bring up a problem or share your feelings. In the context of a healthy relationship, your partner will certainly listen to your issues as well as address them as opposed to dismissing your feelings.

They don’t allow you to express yourself

You could feel like they’re continuously cutting you off as well as not letting you clarify your point of sight when you’re in the center of a disagreement with them. If you have to text your partner for you to be heard because when you’re dealing with issues physically you’re afraid of not being heard. This is a sign of gaslighting.  

Your partner does not apologize

If you share with your partner that you are hurt and they show no signs of empathy. This is a sign of gaslighting. If your partner instead convinces you that you should avoid that line of thought and just ignore it, this is a red flag. If your partner never takes responsibility for their actions and does not apologize even though they were clearly in the wrong this could be a form of gaslighting. When being gaslit, you might find on your own regularly apologizing to them for your thoughts or responses.

Blames you or others

If you notice that your partner usually blames, you when you have a conflict or argument or blames external factors that is a sign of gaslighting. They may even say that you’re overly sensitive.

You feel like you’re not trying hard enough in your relationship

You feel like you’re not pulling in your weight in a relationship and might think that you are not doing enough in the relationship. Your partner always blames you when you try to fix your issues. In time this can trigger you to think that your relationship is not working because of you. In a healthy and balanced relationship, both partners will admit to their mistakes and will certainly apologize when they are in the wrong.

No voice in the relationship

Your relationship may get to the point where sharing your feelings becomes extremely tough to do. If the thought of bringing up a concern or sharing your true sensations begins making you feel guilty. This is a crucial sign of gaslighting.

Always Lying

Your partner might deny that they ever before claimed or did something you recognize they did. They will certainly make you believe that you’re making it up. Once more, this gaslighting technique is intended to challenge your memory as well as make you examine on your own. They reject they ever said something, despite the fact that you have proof. You recognize they said they would certainly do something; you know you heard it. Yet they deny it. It makes you start questioning your truth perhaps they never ever stated that thing. And also the even more they do this, the more you doubt your reality as well as start approving theirs.


They tend to make your feelings and thoughts appear inconsequential. The gaslighter will certainly charge the target of overreacting to circumstances or of being also delicate. This can trigger the target to begin to believe that their sensations are void or as well drastic.

They convince you no one has good intentions other than them

By informing you that everyone else is a liar, it once again makes you question your truth. They manage to convince that they are the only ones who have good intentions for you.

Publicly discrediting you

This is just one of the most efficient tools of the gaslighter because it’s dismissive. They know that when they question you publicly people might not believe you when you tell them they’re abusive. It’s a master strategy.

RELATED: Telltale signs your relationship is over

Why do people gaslight?

Gaslighting happens due to the fact that a person intends to get control over somebody else. A violent person or a narcissist may feel that they are entitled to control other individuals, or that their point of view matters the most.
A person that gaslights may not have the ability to reflect on their emotions and may also have reduced self-respect that.

Gaslighting can be done either consciously or unconsciously and is never warranted. There are some individuals who may not understand they are even doing it. Some individuals regularly depend on gaslighting as a strategy to keep control in relationships, so they might not recognize just how damaging it is. It’s a method to keep power structures in position and also oppress people that have much less access to support and also resources.

How to stop gaslighting in a relationship:


Seek support from trustworthy friends and family. Gaslighting can cause anxiety in some instances and can affect your self-esteem.

Confront your partner

There is a chance that your partner does not recognize they are gaslighting you. Explain to them what gaslighting is and how it makes you feel. If they still get defensive, then you might want to start evaluating your relationship. They might get defensive and it might get violent. If it gets to this point just finish the conversation and leave.


If that gaslighting is prevalent as well as facing your companion is not an alternative, do think about leaving the relationship. Sutton urges that if your partner comes to be furious while they are gaslighting you or puts you at risk, it is much more necessary that you think about finishing the relationship altogether. This might not be easy, but it might be a needed action towards feeling risk-free.

It’s not your fault

Gaslighting is not your fault despite your partner convincing you that it’s your fault. Healthy relationships involve accountability and apologizing when you’re wrong. If your partner is not ready to change their ways, you might as well leave the relationship.

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