Why You’re Struggling To Orgasm

by Lynn
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A lot of women are struggling to orgasm. Climaxing does not come naturally to everyone, especially women. According to a study, only around 10% of women find it easy to achieve orgasm. The rest have to deal with a lot of factors for them to achieve orgasm. If you’ve been struggling to orgasm, here are some likely reasons you’re struggling. Dealing with these issues might just help you get your big O.


If you have anxiety, it could be one of the reasons why you’re struggling to orgasm. If you want to orgasm you have to be willing to shut down your thoughts and focus on the moment. Most people who have anxiety have a way of getting in their head during intimacy causing you to struggle to get an orgasm. Try meditation to help you reduce your anxiety and to help you get out of your head. With time your anxiety will reduce and you’ll get your big O. You can choose to see a therapist for your anxiety or a sex therapist to address your anxiety during sex.

Low Self Esteem

It can be difficult to relax and enjoy sex if you have low self-esteem with regard to your body. If you don’t feel good about yourself and your body, you’ll have a more difficult time orgasming during sex. If you’re too concerned about your body insecurities like your tummy rolls, or marks on your skin, big thighs, small boobs it takes you out of the moment. Accepting your body is a journey. You can try body positivity mantras to help you accept your body the way it is. Once you start to love your body achieving an orgasm will be much easier.

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Let It Go

If you’re used to having control in all aspects of your life, it can be a contributing factor to why you’re struggling to orgasm. Orgasms are about letting go, of your body, your thoughts, and yes even control. If you’re afraid of losing control, it may be harder for you to get an orgasm. When you start to get that sensation, just take a few deep breaths and allow your body to let go. This will help.

Say What You Like

Your partner is not a mind reader, they don’t know what makes you happy. Make a point of communicating what you like and what stimulates you. Having a conversation with your partner about what gives you pleasure can also make you feel safe. Listen to your body because it knows what feels good and try and relay it to your partner. This can make it easier to finally get your orgasm.

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Get To Know Your Body

If you get to know your body, you get to know exactly what your body likes. The way you get to know your body is through masturbation. When you pleasure yourself, you get to let go of your inhibitions and you can know exactly where you like to be touched, how you want to be touched, and what will get you to orgasm. Men start masturbating at an early age, meaning they know exactly what they want during sex, why can’t you do the same? Get to know your body through masturbation. You can also use sex toys to help you know how you can achieve orgasm. Start with small vibrators and clitoris stimulators at first and then work your way up. This way you get to explore your body and get to know it better.

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Focus On Penetration

Studies have shown that only 18% of women are able to orgasm from penetration alone. Sex studies have always focused on penetrative sex. Penetration sex is mostly for the male orgasm and not the female orgasm. More than 40% of women need clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. This is why couples who engage in oral sex are more likely to orgasm than those who don’t. If you want to orgasm, engage in acts that will give you clitoral stimulation.

Pain or Discomfort

If you’re experiencing pain or discomfort during sex, you will find it very hard to reach climax. If you’re in pain identify why you’re in pain, if it’s the lack of lubrication or if you have an underlying condition. There are certain conditions and disorders that can make you feel pain during sex. Some of these include endometriosis, vulvodynia, and vaginismus. If you think you could have any of this, visit your doctor for an examination.


If you’re not well lubricated, it’s another reason why you’re struggling to orgasm. Lack of lubrication can be painful and makes sex less enjoyable. You can always use your favorite lube to make sex and masturbation more pleasurable. Lubrication is very necessary if you want to orgasm.

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Focusing Too Much on Orgasming

If you focus too much on the results instead of the journey, you will not enjoy sex. Sex is meant to be enjoyed, every step of the way. If you try too hard to orgasm, you will not reach your climax. Focusi on the journey and you will get to your destination.

Low Oxytocin Levels

Oxytocin — also known as the “feel good” or “love” hormone — goes hand-in-hand with orgasms, Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., marriage and sex therapist, tells Woman’s Day. If your body isn’t producing enough of it, climaxing can be more difficult.

Stress can be a major reason for low oxytocin production, but spending more time with your partner, looking into their eyes, holding hands, and kissing have all been proven to boost production of the hormone. Have a furry friend? Cuddling with a pet may also cause the release of oxytocin.

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