Just like every relationship we need friendship boundaries both physical and emotional to help keep the relationship healthy. In a perfect situation friendship boundaries would happen naturally.
Every relationship has limits including those precious friendships we cherish so much. When it comes to friendship you should always focus on quality and not quantity. You may have lots of friends but when shit hits the fan, how many of those friends are really going to stick around?
Without boundaries there’s no balance in the friendship and this may cause resentment in the long run. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship which can lead to the loss of the friendship altogether.
Here are a couple of ways you can set healthy friendship boundaries:
Talking to your friends
There’s friends who know everything about us and there are those that know what they need to know and that’s okay. Not every single friend has a right to know what’s going on in your life. Some friends think its a right to know everything that’s going on in your life but no it’s not their right.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a certain friend about something, it’s perfectly okay. You can set the friendship boundaries by saying ” I don’t feel comfortable talking about it” You need to feel comfortable about keeping certain things to yourself and if a friend does not understand that, you may need to reevaluate your relationship.
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Time boundaries
Your friends should be able to respect your time and vice versa. Sometimes friends think they’re entitled to have more of our time than other people in our lives. Some friends may start getting jealous when you get a partner and start splitting your time.
You can set your friendship boundaries by allocating a certain amount of time you spend with them. It can just be as simple as “I have 30 minutes to grab lunch.” We all have those friends who want to spend all your free time with you. That’s not a healthy relationship.
Support System
Your friends need to be your support system just like you need to be theirs. You need friends who will support your decisions no matter how risky or how stupid they are. You need a friend who will tell you ” I think it’s stupid but I will support you just the same.” You need honest and supportive friends.
Your friends are not always going to agree with everything you do and you will not agree with what they do as well and it’s okay. You need to make decisions and mistakes on your own. If a friend tries to mother you eventually you start being resentful. That’s why you have to set the friendship boundaries from the get go.
Personal Values
You and your friends were brought up differently so you’ll most probably have a different set of values. You need to both respect each others values for a healthy friendship. You’re going to be different from your friends and that’s okay.
You don’t need a friend imposing their values on you. They need to respect that you’re a different person. If they keep trying to change you and your values and the friendship boundaries set don’t make a difference. It’s time to reevaluate the friendship.
Conversational Boundaries
This is a tricky one. This is one of the harder friendship boundaries. Your friends need to understand there are certain topics you do not like to discuss. You may not like talking or hearing about certain topics and your friends need to respect that.
You may not want to talk about politics or religion and that’s okay. If they’re not of any interest to you, your friends need to respect that.
NO
If you find it hard to say no to your friends, are they really your friends? You don’t need to impress your friends by being a people pleaser. You should learn how to say no to your friends. If they don’t take it well then that is on them.
Learning how to say no to your friends is one of the important friendship boundaries you need to set. Your friends need to respect your decisions without having to question you. No is a complete sentence.
Positivity
Your friends need to be your sunshine. You need to have friends who, when you’re having a bad day and you hang out with them your day is definitely going to be better. You need friends with good energy and positive vibes.
You don’t need a friend who is always trying to bring you down when they have a bad day or when you have a bad day. Friends are supposed to be the sunshine of life.
Physical boundaries
This applies more to friends of the opposite sex. When you’re friends with the opposite sex friendship boundaries need to be set, especially if you have a partner. You need to set physical boundaries like physical intimacy otherwise it might be a gray area. You need a friend who will respect your space and your physical boundaries.
Honesty
Honesty is one of the greatest virtues a friendship should have. If you can’t be honest with your friends then you’re probably not friends. You need to be able to be honest with your friends and they need to be honest with you.
There’s however a fine line between honesty and blatantly hurting someone’s feelings. You need friends who will tell you the truth in a loving way not people who will tell you the truth in a hurtful and bitter way. You also don’t need friends who can’t be honest with you.
Needy Friends
If you’re unable to set all other friendship boundaries, this is the one boundary you need to set. We all have those friends who call us when they want or need something from us. There are always those friends who only contact you when they need your help. You need to set boundaries for your own sake. While friendships are highly complex you don’t need a friend who manipulates you into only helping them when they can’t return the favor.
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